NYC 1990-95
Reviewing six years' work for this section, I realized one big thing:
Sometimes you don't know you are in a tunnel until you come out the other end.
I see all too clearly now how so much of what I did at the time really wasn't that good. There are good reasons why -- both personal and practical. On the practical side, I stopped shooting 35mm pictures in favor of medium- and large-format and it took some time to learn the requirements needed to produce satisfactory images on larger pieces of film. Beginning in 1993, I paid rent on a small daylight studio and spent a year and a half finding out the hard way what daylight does. All in all, I learned how to do a few things correctly by first doing a lot of things wrong.
It is tough making good pictures when you are distracted, and a lot of things distracted me: a long-term relationship fell apart; my father died after a long illness and a mentor died with no warning; a lover attempted suicide; I was writing freelance a lot to earn relatively little; my savings sank without a ripple; in showing my work around, I got lots of encouragement from influential people but no real support; and I took the inevitable indifference and rejections way too hard.
It was a long time before I put all this into perspective.
There will always be distractions and it is up to you to clear a space for work, regardless. If you are intent on saying something distinct with your photographs (and if you are not, then go do something else), you must let nothing interfere with the picture you want to get. Sometimes the interference comes from your own narrow expectations, so you must be open and aware of the needs of the moment. Pay attention to what's in front of you. It is not easy, but as my friend Bruce Weber put it: "You've just got to be able to turn things around in your life all the time."
Photography allows a very concrete view of yourself. It is a record of the past and a blueprint for the future. Some of the pictures that follow are utter freaks, single good frames from otherwise poor sessions. These exceptions, though, gained a light of their own and showed the way to where I wanted to be. Half of the following pictures were made in the Summer of 1994 when, with my friend Keri Advocat's help, I made a series of 4x5 street photographs in New York City.
In retrospect, I see they were the first light
at the tunnel's end.
A note on what's to come: The pictures are in a slide show format of six animated GIF89a's, stacked in two rows of three. For best effect, open your browser window as far as it will go. Netscape and Internet Explorer both let you to turn off button displays to maximize the content window if you so desire. And please be patient -- it all takes a little time to load.
